Sometimes when I read some questions posted by people on dating on forums, I find curious phenomena. They all discuss their problems, their questions and everything about dating from others, but they don't ask their dating partner about what should be done. I wonder that it is like this - a child is crying and the mother posts on the net that my child is crying, what should I do? Why not ask the child? Similarly most of the issues of dating can be easily sorted out if we ask our partner. Let us find out more.

Are you confident about your dating partner?

 Are you confident about your relationship and your partner? If you are sure about your choice of dating partner than most of the problems can be solved. Whatever may be the issue, ask him/her. Sometimes people get baffled with straight queries, but once they realize that you are very honest and open about your dating relationship, they will love it

Why fear in dating?

People fear that a small wrong step can spoil the dating and they will have to begin searching again. This is not true. Fear kills your natural behavior. Fear will make you very guarded in your dating. Please stop fearing. Sky will not fall. Be natural and worry not. If you are good and your dating partner likes you, everything will end Ok.

Dating and communication- Good communication is the key to success. Talk and listen as much as possible. Don’t hide feelings. Express them. Don’t hide fears, talk about them. Don’t hide desires; express them and you will get real satisfaction.

Many of us are shy talking to the opposite sex. That takes us no where. We are scared of talking to any person of opposite sex. Something happens that stops us. Why do we get scared? We are not scared of talking to persons of our own sex. We are confident about ourselves. We have enough self-esteem, and we value ourselves as desirable. Then why? It is as if there is a switch in the mind that is switched off and says no when it comes to talking with persons of opposite sex.

What can be done about this? This problem has to do with our mind. Our mind tells us that we are not worthy. We may be rejected. We may be laughed at. Our mind warns us to defend ourselves from this and says no - you are not to approach anyone from the opposite sex. This is the mechanism of mind. Fight or flight. In this case, we resort to flight. But with this running away, we will never get a desirable partner. We will always remain alone and only wistfully watch other couples going around. So what should we do?

The very first step in such cases is to evaluate our self and compare ourselves with our friends. Are we as smart as they are? Are we as intelligent as they are? Are we as confident as they are? Are we as presentable as they are? Is our personality equally good? On most of these issues you may find that you are scoring more points than your friends. So one thing is established. You are a desirable person. If your friends are not shy, why are you? Gather the strength and approach persons of opposite sex with confidence. Don't worry about rejections. There can be many reasons for that. Approach smartly and you will surely get some one good to date. Good Luck.

Many people are able to get into relationships. And many are able to attract partners who are suitable for them, physically and mentally. But for many people, their relationships do not last much more than 3 months! This is a shocking truth of the dating world. Why does this happen? Why can’t we make it last? I’ll give you three reasons:

1. Treating a Relationship as a Transaction
You cannot be calculative when it comes to love. Counting who did what for whom leads to the death of generosity. Theoretically speaking, there’s a hidden universal law guiding human relations, which is, “If you stop giving, you stop getting.” And if that’s the way the law is, them we must not stop giving or else the relationship will die. So if you are calculative, you will count to a point where you will say, “Yep, that’s enough. I’ve given my fair share. Now it’s your turn.” But your partner may not feel it’s their turn yet. So don’t calculate. Keep giving generously and you partner will return your love when the time is right. 
 
2. Not Being Patient or Sensitive Enough
Relationships are delicate because human emotions are delicate. You can bring the strongest relationship to its knees with a single quarrel. You don’t even need to do it in person; over the telephone will do. You can end a good relationship with words that hurt, no meeting needed. So if you treasure your relationship, never blow your top. Your partner deserves your best behaviour. And the more love you invest in them, the more they will love you for it. 
 
3. Idealistic Demands
Some people are more idealistic than others. They have a vision in their minds of how they want their ideal partner to be – and they will not compromise. Usually in life, the partners we end up with do not meet our original criteria. Maybe she doesn’t have the perfect figure or maybe he’s not exactly Prince Charming. But in the end we still choose this person. Why so? It’s because our criteria have changed. By living long enough, you see different kinds of people. And you will start editing your criteria of what you want in a partner, circling those qualities which are important, and mentally scratching out those which are not. So if a person has a list of rigid, uncompromising qualities that they follow to the dot, they might just kick out the partner that was right for them.


If it were so easy to make a relationship last, our divorce rates would be lower. Even if people do not fall into the three traps listed above, there are other problems such as the possibility of meeting someone more attractive (high chance). What should you do in such a case? Here’s a principle to guide you:

“A great love relationship is not something you find, but something you build and commit yourself to.”
There are tons of beautiful people in the world and many who are physically more attractive than your partner. To some people, the grass is always greener on the other side. So what do they do? They hop over to the neighbour’s lawn! But then the lawn doesn’t seem so green anymore because they see the weeds of the person’s personality. But it looks like there’s a greener lawn next door, so they hop again! They do their partner hopping, dating and exchanging in search of the greenest lawn, but they’ll never find it because a beautiful relationship, like a beautiful garden, must be tended to and cared for. You can have ‘happily forever after’ with the partner you choose, but you must commit yourself to it. Without commitment, nothing lasts.

To sustain love, two people have to choose each other. If either partner defaults or is unsure, the whole relationship falls apart. It doesn’t matter how much you love the other person, if they do not return your love. This reminds me of those Chinese drama serials where they are fond of saying, “Ai Qing Shi Bu Neng Mian Qiang De” – translated it means ‘you can’t force love’. And this will be the time when the male suitor will grip his head and cry, “Why! Why?!!” Then he has no alternative, but to drown his sorrows in drink, and maybe get knocked down by a truck. Then the girl will visit him in hospital, where with his dying breath he whispers his last words of undying love… then he dies.

• An Uncommitted Partner 

Sometimes you might find that although you are ready to commit, your partner doesn’t want to settle. They may be on the lookout for the ideal person who can fulfill their whims and fantasies… some idealistic vision of what a lover should be. Many people believe that they can hold on to their partner and make them stay. But this isn’t true. If your partner wants to go, they will. A lover is not an inanimate object – you can’t ‘hold on’ to them – they are human beings with free will and dreams and ideals of their own. What you can do is realize that each person seeks their own happiness. Sometimes it may be with you, at other times it may not. And if you still care for this person, the best you can do is allow them to follow their dreams. Gracefully step aside and wish them well. The right partner will come along for you one day.

• Case Study – “Mr Y”*

Last week we talked to Mr Y about his hope of winning over a girl who already has a boyfriend. This week, let’s flip it and talk about what it’s like to be the person who’s about to lose their partner.

A reader wrote in regarding Mr Y’s case. She suggests that we put ourselves in the boyfriend’s shoes and see whether we like someone trying to break up our happiness. The reader suggests that Mr Y should take an altruistic approach, where he is happy the girl he loves is happy and well-looked after. I didn’t want to agree (an urge to protect my client)… but after serious contemplation, I yielded because the reader has a point. The easiest way for Mr Y to be happy is to realize that he cares for the girl even though she’s chosen to be with someone else. In a way, Mr Y is a martyr who sacrifices his desire to be with her, for her happiness. Could a man do that if he loves a woman? I’m sure he could, but I doubt she would even notice his sacrifice.


“Dagger in the Heart”
Mr Y said he felt a sharp stabbing pain in his heart, when he found out that the woman he loved had recently found a boyfriend. I said, “I understand that sharp pain feeling.” Everyone who has been on the verge of losing a romantic partner has felt this sharp stabbing pain. If you haven’t, then you have not loved with all your heart. 

The more you love a person; the more you care about him or her, the greater the feeling of being stabbed in the heart when they betray or cheat your love. Although the normal reaction to being dumped is to go ballistic and tell your lover what a piece of trash they are, your heart feels like a knife has sliced through it. This heart-pain is there because buried under your anger, there is love.  

When our partner betrays our love, there are two immediate feelings – the part that feels cheated, and the part that still cares. On one hand we hate them for hurting us, and we want to hurt them back. On the other hand, we still have feelings for them, so just the thought of breaking up is hurting our soul. So what you need to realize is the deep stabbing pain you feel in your heart is not the pain of rejection, but the pain of trying to hate someone you love. Only when you can admit that you still care, and stop trying to hate them, the two parts dissolve and become one whole. The pain disappears.

If you want to find an ideal partner, you first have to BE an ideal partner. Give your partner first-class treatment – be infinitely patient, loving, and giving. This doesn’t mean you do not settle differences, but that you do it in a calm and gentle manner. Don’t be calculative about giving. Give with all your heart and trust that your partner appreciates the love you give. They will return it to you when you least expect it. Realize that some of your demands are idealistic and unnecessary, drop them or change them. And finally, strive to become the best you can be in mind, body, and spirit; socially, financially, and emotionally because the better you become as a person, the better a partner you will attract.

Good luck and may you build the love life of your dreams.

It seems like a wide range of evening you will find an innovative web site marketing totally free personal advertisings. Together with almost all these corporations getting close to all of us everyday, whenever all of us discern between those who usually are definitely qualified to supply their promise of “free” personals coming from those who are choosing it as little more than a not-so-clever marketing ploy?

Testing the actual ocean simply by taking a number of totally free personals sites can be quite a fine primary move in the internet dating planet with out committing to investing in memberships. Nevertheless, come to a decision shield your self coming from getting used up by way of a poor primary experience together with underhanded corporations who seem to attract clients along with guarantees of 'free personals', nevertheless not usually supply?

Just one easy manner to determine is usually simply by taking a free of charge personals assistance. Start off the actual register course of action, in case at almost any level ones MasterCard is usually asked for, stop. You will find number of advantages of an online firm to ask for ones MasterCard except if some people intend on getting income coming from everyone. Nevertheless, examine the actual terms and conditions. In the event that you will find affordable motivations regarding getting MasterCard figures, will probably be qualified to reconsider. Believe in your view simply because in due course, it is really your money your determination.

Another way to help gage no matter whether a strong totally free personals assistance will probably supply their promise, look around as well as. In the event that it looks highly regarded as well as nice, in case there are a lot of users, this may be a superb signal. In the event that different users have opted as well as spent the nights (check out 'last online' times or even recently available pastime at message boards, forums, and many others. It most likely is the reason why as well as features a number of pleased clients.

To sum up, keep clear of internet dating services supplying totally free services. Though presently there surely usually are superb sites who seem to offer their services without cost, there are a number of who seem to create a savings fund 'free personals' promise as a attract to help snare unsuspecting singles.

Heather is a 42 year old American lady.Divorced with two children,she decided to try online dating to possibly get a new partner.

She signed up with one of the popular dating sites and set up a profile.The anonymity and security of online dating appealed to her and she hoped it would work out for her.

In a matter of days, she was contacted by a man who also claimed to be looking for a love relationship.The man was handsome,also divorced and in his mid-forties. He claimed to be an engineer living in the United States, but was sent on an assignment by his company to Nigeria.

They began to chat and exchange mails, and soon began a relationship online.He sent flowers to her from time to time, sent poems everday, called her up twice a day. Heather felt that she had finally found the man of her dreams. Surely,this was the perfect relationship that she had wanted since her divorce. Here was a man who was caring and who showed it. She readily agreed to his proposal when he called her over the phone and asked her to marry him. They began to make plans to get married as soon as he returned to the United States.

Heather felt all was going on well with their plans until he made a distress call.He had been involved in a road accident and had been hospitalized. Could she help out with some money to pay the bills? Well,she did help. A sequence of events followed afterwards. Weeks later, she discovered that the man she had fallen in love with was not the real person she had thought he was.She had just been taken by the newest form of online scams that is just showing up--the romance or dating scam.

She was heartbroken.She had lost thousands of dollars to this man.She was behind on her mortgage and was in debt to the bank. But painful as the experience was,it could not be compared to the emotional pain that she had to go through.

It would take many months before she would get over the whole  experience, which she described as a nightmare. Heather is not the only one that is a victim of this new form of scam.Many thousands of people online are losing millions of dollars monthly to these scams. But due to the secretive nature of the internet, most people that have been scammed this way are either too embarassed or ashamed to talk about their experience. In a particular finding, 145 men and women reported that they lost over $1 million in two months in 2005. In that same finding, thousands of people refused to disclose any information about their losses.

The worst aspect of these scams has been the emotional pains the victims have had to go through.
Many of the victims I talked with reported that it took them many months before they could get back to their normal life.

A lady told me that she cried for many nights after she realized that she had been scammed. She had thought she had the ideal lover,and had become so emotionally attached to him. Realizing that it was all a lie was devastating to her. The fact that she had been in deep love with a fake person was what pained her the most.

This is the same experience as many of the victims I related with have had.The effects of the scams have had so much of a devastating effect on them all. Medical doctors, lawyers,paralegals and other professionals have been known to lose money to these scams just as housewives, students, factory workers and other low-income earners have. The scams are no respecter of status or race. Not even religious people have been spared from this growing menace.

Till this moment, thousands of people are out there trying to get over these scams. But even as those who have been scammed are trying to get on with their lives, many more thousands are being set up for a scam right now.

Online dating has come to stay with us all, and many people have found true love through this avenue. Online dating has produced many successful love stories. It is a medium that if properly used, with the right education, can be a means of bringing love into the lives of many.

However, it is apparent that it is also increasingly being used for the wrong purposes. Given the high success rate of the scams however, the best way to deal with them is to educate yourself about them.

You need to learn how to separate the wheat from the chaff. Knowing the methods that the scammers use will help you not to fall for their antics. You will be able to know what to do to protect yourself and still be able to date succesfully. The more educated you are, the more you can prevent the scams from happening to you.